In April my dear mother, Ruth Nusyna, transitioned. It was a shock even though she was 93 years old. Up until the day of her passing she was still driving and leading an independent life with support from our family...children and grandchildren. We all felt as if the anchor of our life was pulled away from us. We still do. Grief is very challenging especially when a loved one who played such an important part in your life is no longer there.
It is true that I have many tools and a spiritual perspective that tells me that human life is transient and indeed the vehicle for our continued transformation so our soul can move forward. I know this but it takes real life experiences to show you how to really live this perspective. We must give thanks for those who provided us such unconditional love and care but not linger with the sense of loss.
I am learning about non-attachment. I am learning that grief has been with me for many lifetimes not just this one. It is this great sorrow that has kept me weak in my lungs and intestines...my metal element is not in balance. I am sad for many things I have done in past lives too and have not been able to accept the forgiveness of others. Most important I cannot forgive myself.
This passing of my mother has shown me all of this. So it has been transformative to a huge degree.
Now I am facing another challenge as my daughter is going to move far away from me. She has a great job opportunity. I am thrilled for her but I am also missing her...and she hasn't gone yet.
I believe that all of this is deep and profound testing. I know that nothing is accidental or random. There is purpose here. I am learning how to live...truly...what I teach. Love unconditionally. Love without attachment. Allow everyone to follow their path and learn their lessons. Our human life is truly a training ground for our soul life and we can experience and learn so much.
We are constantly transforming.
Gratitude. Gratitude. Gratitude.